he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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