I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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