all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
