I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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