dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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