P.S. I can't hear my feet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
