Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
