If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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