We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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