This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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