At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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