Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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