I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
