So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
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You pole danced in your parka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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