Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
