I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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