sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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