Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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