Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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