I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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