just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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