So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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