ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best revenge is premature balding
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
