I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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