youre lurking in front of me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
