I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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