I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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