her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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