Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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