No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
