i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
