You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
