Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
