I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
