Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
