Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
