dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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