hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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