I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
