Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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