I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
