The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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