she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
