dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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