I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
