i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
