we're blogging at a bar
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
