Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
