I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
being pregnant is like rehab
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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