Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
