i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
