I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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