I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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