we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
