i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
