I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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