after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm always down for nudity.
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