i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
