we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.