btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
