I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Everything about him screamed your future.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize