im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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