oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh god the rape fog is back!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
