Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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