I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
