Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
