I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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