i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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