i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
