why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
