I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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