The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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