Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
