I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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